Thoughts before my next travel update

It’s weird how I can go from “travelling 1000 miles for a few days” to “barely able to work up the will to leave the house” in such a short space of time. Right now the idea of doing what I did just a couple of weeks ago is unfathomable. But that’s what happens. I have to do things in “bursts”, seemingly, or not at all. It also probably makes me look like a big fat liar or, at the very least, disingenuous, to anyone I might need to convince, for whatever reason, that this is actually the “situation” with me. This inconsistency is, most likely, why I’d have difficulty holding down a “traditional” 9-5 job. For every day that I’d be able to go in and just “do the job”, there would be like three more when I’d have a hard enough time just picking an outfit which I wouldn’t feel stupid and foolish in. I dunno, maybe application forms and interviews make it all seem so much harder than it actually would be. I’ve certainly gone into many a public building and seen workers twiddling their thumbs looking bored and not exactly like the “enthusiastic and passionate go-getters who thrive on customer service” that every single job application seems to call for now. Even the ones which aren’t for a role in customer service. My current job, for example, I have to do in bursts. I spent a week or two actually doing the job, intermittently, but also an equal length of time working myself up to actually doing the job. Right now the idea of doing the project is freaking me out big time, even though I’ve already done it successfully twice before. It was the same with uni, I’d face *every* single essay and assignment with the same feeling of dread and certainty that it would never get done, even though it got done, somehow, every single time. Well *nearly* every single time, it was only on rare occasions that I just couldn’t get the thing done. But those bursts of energy, inspiration, creativity, are what I live for, at the end of the day. I continue to live in (vague) hope that that feeling – which is hard to describe – is just around the corner, waiting to pounce on me once again.

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