Posted on May 19, 2012

The last exam is over and I have now officially finished with university. I thought it would feel quite a lot different  but it’s going to take a while to get rid of the nagging feeling that I should be doing something intellectual all the time. Of course I still want to keep up the “way” of writing but, for once, it will really ease the pressure on me not to have to write for approval and to forever struggle to get a grip on the academia ladder’s next rung.

I had the rather unexpected good fortune, on a night out celebrating my sister’s birthday (and my new freedom), to meet one Peter Mullan, the locally living actor turned director, who took the time to listen with admirable patience to my writing woes, and to give some rather sound advice. One thing I have always allowed to turn me off writing, or anything that I like doing, is the criticism and/or disapproval of other people – being able to reply quite dependably upon rejection can’t really be a good thing – but it’s also the case that life cannot be all about sucking up to said people. I wouldn’t feel too good about myself if I knew that’s the only reason I got to where I might end up someday.

I want to be able to say, at the risk of injecting a risky amount of cheese, “I did it my way”.

I guess it’s come to that point in life when, after all the grinding away at something with more often than not an uncertain outcome, it’s time to put that aside and start doing a bit of living day to day. Or minute to minute even.