Things have changed in five years or so. A LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT. And then a bit fucking more for good measure. I really don’t think I need to mention one of the main things which has happened in the world between then and now, do you..?  

After all this time, I think a general significant overhaul of the site is in order, name, theme, and everything. But for now I’m not quite sure. About almost anything.

The only things which I used to blog about here which are even true anymore are 1) I’m still very much a vegan and I don’t see that changing anytime soon 2) I’m still passionate about literature (reading and writing) but for certain reasons this has slowed down a lot of late, and 3) I still love travelling as and when I’m able to, although that has *also* slowed down a hell of a lot lately, the reasons for which should become clear the further you read on.

Some of the things which have changed the most for me are:

• I no longer identify as having ASD. Trust me when I say that I *absolutely* have my reasons for this decision, and it has not been taken lightly. I’ve been doing a LOT of reflection, recalling my past, viewing things in a much different light, and generally just thinking about the circumstances in which I received the diagnosis in the first place and, without going too much into it (at least for now), I’m now of the opinion that most, if not all, of the “symptoms” I’ve experienced have been more a result of emotional trauma than any underlying neurodevelopmental condition. Furthermore, I’m also now thinking that I was effectively “persuaded” into identifying with the DSM description of the condition, and then I guess it just sort of became a self-fulfilling prophecy type thing? Think a certain way, act a certain way, be treated a certain way, etc. For this I have to take *some* responsibility, because at this stage, even if it was a misguided decision, it was still *technically* a decision nonetheless – I really just ended up at the stage of being like, if it’s *not* ASD, then just what the hell could “it” be, and I guess I just settled for the most “convenient” thing at the time? As to what actually is my “damage”… this is still very much a work in progress, which I think I’m going to not actually disclose for a change even if/when I ever do work it out (because I now notice that in my attempts to become a “blogger” I’ve made that classic rookie mistake of *seriously oversharing*, whilst labouring under the misunderstanding that a little bit of oversharing is just “what bloggers do”… hahahahahahaNO), and in any case these days I’m a lot more inclined to avoid any and all labels wherever possible. Currently, I only loosely and unofficially identify as “neurodivergent” but even that is such a far-reaching label now that it effectively means little without further personal information which I’m not at the moment willing to share.
• Above edited to add: I just re-read the “why I don’t volunteer anymore” post I made years ago and by christ I really do sound like an “aspie” in that don’t I… no offence to anyone who identifies as such but I’m aware that they (I?) are quite notorious for acting in a painfully awkward way, at least those with not quite that much self-awareness tend to, and yes I definitely HAVE acted in such a way at times in the past it’s not *quite* as bad as I probably made myself sound. It was likely the result of decades of accumulated rejection and general low self-regard taking their toll and making a crappy situation that much worse. And probably less-than-up-to-snuff writing too. I usually try to make it at least decent but I was clearly at a low ebb at the time.
• I no longer identify as a feminist. Please let me say right here and now that this is NOT because I don’t believe in the core values of what has now come to be known as the first and second waves of feminism – that is, the right for women to vote, to own property, to divorce, to not be considered the property of men, to equal pay for equal work, to own a bank account, to a harassment-free workplace, to be generally treated like a human being, etc. I’ve basically never NOT believed any of these things, it’s just that the feminism “movement” has become so deeply corrupted by outside forces, mutating it into something virtually beyond recognition, and generally just treating the original movement as a great big joke. Unfortunately, the word itself has become tainted by association, and generally these days I tend to abhor labels full-stop, primarily because over time I’ve come to feel trapped by them, the more I grow and develop as a person. Which segues rather neatly into the next thing…
• I no longer identify as leftist/left-wing. Pretty much for the same reasons as the point above, the core values of “classic” liberalism have become so grotesquely twisted that a lot of the things they propose are in total opposition to what they once stood for. For one thing, reducing the right to free speech: I’m not even that old (not even now…) and even I distinctly remember a time when it was the Left, rather than the Right, who was vocally opposed to things like censorship and the increasing encroachment of the government on previously accepted rights to privacy, due process, and perhaps most importantly of all, to not be randomly selected to be publicly felt up while going through airport security, to the point where it might force *some* to realise that this groping is the most “action” they’ve gotten in years and are likely to get for the foreseeable future (not talking about myself at all here… *whistle*) Also to be clear here, I definitely do not identify as right-wing either – I *did* not long ago have a “peek” over at that side of the fence, just in case there were in fact any valid arguments they had that I’d previously overlooked or dismissed due to my hardline identification with the Left. A few things did click with me, if I’m being honest, but definitely not enough to go switching camps, and I don’t know if it’s just me but why do right-wing public figures ALWAYS end up parroting bible verses in order to back up their less-than-savoury viewpoints, as if that at all validates whatever they’re saying? Just smacks of another “cult” to me. And the icing on the cake, for me, for BOTH the left and right alike, is the government’s recent shameless attempts at bulldozing hard-won rights of women to things like abortion and contraception – I’m aware that the US currently has a Democrat administration but you really wouldn’t think it. It’s all just a huge mess now, and they seem to be just rolling back basic rights for erstwhile vulnerable demographics just to show that they can, pretty much dismantling the long-held idea of “rights” in and of themselves, in so far as them being “things” that nations can give to their people. I’m now thinking *that* idea alone is well worth re-examining.
• I’ve no idea who is genuinely in charge anymore, and I’m not sure that it even matters, because it all amounts to the same. So basically I’m politically homeless now. (I’m not even American so a lot of these things don’t *currently* affect me, but everyone knows that sooner rather than later, American politics and culture tends to infiltrate other parts of the world. I fear that the UK may well be hot on its heels with regards to cutting back on rights we all took for granted at one time.)

So yeah… that’s my quick update. I do intend to be back for more just as soon as I get a little bit more of a “something” going!